Why Feedback Feels Hard—and How to Handle It Better

Feedback. Am I alone in my suffering? Whenever I know that the conversation is gearing towards me receiving feedback, my stomach ties itself in the most complicated knots (hello, anxiety). I would hope it would get better as I got more tenured in my career, but I can honestly say I still get the same pang of anxiousness when the focus is on me and my performance.

Let’s be real—receiving feedback can be uncomfortable. Whether it’s constructive criticism or glowing praise, the moment someone starts talking about you and your work, it can stir up a whirlwind of nerves.

So why does feedback feel so hard?

There’s actually a lot going on beneath the surface:

• Fear of judgment can make feedback feel like a personal attack.

• Uncertainty around what will be said can trigger anxiety.

• Perfectionism can lead us to focus more on flaws than growth.

• Past experiences with harsh or unhelpful critiques can shape how we react now.

• Lack of control—you don’t get to set the agenda—can leave you feeling exposed.

But here’s the thing: feedback is one of the most powerful tools we have for learning, growth, and doing better work. The goal isn’t to avoid it—it’s to get better at handling it.

 

Feedback is a Growth Strategy

When done well, feedback isn’t about pointing out what went wrong. It’s about making space for reflection, improvement, and connection. Some benefits:

• Boosts morale when it’s positive or encouraging.
• Clarifies expectations so people can align their work with team or company goals.
• Builds trust when it’s respectful and consistent.
• Sparks motivation by showing someone their growth areas and potential.

As one team member put it, “The details in the feedback made me feel like someone had really seen my work—it reminded me that my small contributions matter.”

 

Why How You Give Feedback Matters

There’s more than one way to give feedback. And the method you choose can make or break the way it’s received. A few standout styles:

• Rose, Thorn, Bud: Acknowledge what went well (rose), what needs work (thorn), and what shows promise (bud).
• SBI (Situation-Behavior-Impact): Focus on what happened, what was observed, and why it mattered.
• Start-Stop-Continue: Share what someone should start doing, stop doing, and keep doing.
• Feedforward: Instead of dwelling on the past, offer actionable advice for the future.
• FAST: Feedback that’s frequent, actionable, specific, and timely is more likely to land and make an impact.

Regardless of the model, tone and delivery matter. One teammate described how a thoughtful tone—casual and sincere—helped make the feedback “feel like an honest conversation, not a critique.”

 

Getting Better at Receiving Feedback

No matter how it’s delivered, feedback still might sting. But there are ways to build resilience and make the most of it:

• Practice a growth mindset. Assume there’s something valuable in what’s being shared.
• Separate identity from action. Feedback is about your work—not your worth.
• Ask for specifics. Vague feedback isn’t helpful. Drill down to what you can change or improve.
• Take a beat. You don’t have to respond right away. Breathe, reflect, then respond.
• Ask regularly. The more you normalize feedback, the less intimidating it becomes.

 

5 Quick Takeaways to Help You Handle Feedback Better

1. Don’t fear it—invite it. Proactively ask for feedback to build trust and comfort.
2. Respond, don’t react. Give yourself space before replying, especially if the feedback feels tough.
3. Look for patterns. One comment might be an outlier. Repeated themes are worth attention.
4. Clarify, don’t guess. If feedback is unclear, ask follow-up questions to better understand it.
5. Use it as fuel. The goal of feedback isn’t to make you feel bad—it’s to help you grow.

Feedback isn’t always easy—but it doesn’t have to be scary. When we learn how to receive it with openness and give it with care, we create a culture of continuous improvement and mutual respect.